True Blood: “Save Yourself”
August 27, 2012 11:01 pmSlade
We have reached our season finale of True Blood and it has been quite the roller coaster. This season we pretty much watched every relationship go to shit so there’s that. Before I begin, I would like to thank Sookie’s screwed up forehead of foreboding, Sam’s nakedness, Alcide’s growl, Pam for her snarky quips, Bill for being a dumbass, Eric for still being the only Vampire God we need, Jessica for growing on me, Tara for still annoying the hell out of me and Russell’s bad toupée. Thank you.
So last week we were perched at the end of our seats waiting for Russell to feast on the fae and so we begin there again. As we watch all of the fairies shoot light out of their hands toward Russell we kind of know that he’s not going to get a bite. I mean, the show has been pretty tame and predictable so when Eric appears and kills Russell swiftly we shift back on the couch and smile. Well done, Eric. Sookie runs out to the field to see if Jason is ok and Nora gets her scent. Yummy! Eric has to work hard to get Nora to focus on not eating Sookie. Sookie just crumples up her forehead. As Jason wakes up he sees his mom and not Sookie. After that their folks appear in almost every scene with them goading Jason on to kill vamps. Jason is such a...a...a dumb character. He is like the white rice left over from a Chinese take-out dinner. You put it in the fridge because you think you will eat it but it just gets hard and even more tasteless so you throw it out. Got me? Back to the scene, Eric tells Sookie that she is the only one that can convince Bill that he has gone crazy. Off they go to save the day, or rather, night!
Meanwhile, Andy has to tell Holly about his knocked up fairy, Morella. It obviously doesn’t go very well. Then Morella goes into labor. Holly played midwife and delivered four half-fae babes as Morella screamed orgasmic screams that embarrassed me enough to turn the sound down so that my roommates didn’t think I was watching porn in the living room. I mean it IS a common room.
Onto Alcide and his papa. Granny Wolf shows up with Alcide’s sexy time wolf friend who is freaking out on V. JD has been feeding it to the whole pack and they have all gone nuts. Now Alcide is pissed and seeks out JD and kills him in front of the pack. Why didn’t he do that ages ago? Meh, I have no idea. Why didn’t Eric kill Russell earlier? Weird how finales make everyone get ballsy.
Sam is still naked and choses to be Bill’s dinner. When Bill sees him he gets mad and says there’s a breach in security. Sam tries to explain why he is there and Bill will have none of it. Sam turns into a fly and disappears. They show a few “through the eyes of a fly” shots that suck. By that depiction, flies can’t focus on shit. Sam then comes up with an idea. Turn into Reverend Newell and save Emma. So Luna turns into the Rev and gets Emma. Sharon Osbourne Authority Vamp shows up and starts yelling at Newell about all the killing Russell and him have done. She sets him up to go on the air to clean it all up. As they go LIVE Luna shifts back and announces on TV that vamps are holding humans hostage. As "Sharon" gets miffed, Sam as a fly goes in her mouth and explodes her from the inside out. Pretty awesome!
Bill told Salome that he knew that Lilith had chosen her which we know was a bunch of poo since Lilith told everyone that they were the one. So Bill vamp bangs Salome and watches as she decides to consume all of Lilith. Little does she know Bill had put silver in the blood and Salome slowly starts dying. Bill shows her the he has Liliths’ blood showing us he is still a maniac. Meanwhile, Eric and Nora have brought Sookie, Jason and Tara in as "food" so they can kick butt inside. They do just that. Jason gets postal and starts shooting any vamp in his path. When Jess sees him she says she loves him and he tells her “I can’t love a vamp” in his dumb redneck way. Oh and when Sookie and Tara go to release Pam and Jess from the cells, Tara grabs Pam and starts tonguing her. Everyone loves a good lesbo scene but this was so awkward. Ugh. My eyes.
Sookie and Eric have gone to find Bill and find him ready to drink Lilith's blood. Sookie tells Bill how good of a person he is and blah blah blah. He spouts verses from the vampire bible and tells her a vamp can turn on the ones he loves. As he starts to drink Lilith in, blood starts to pour out of his eyes and he vomits much like those with the “raaaage” in 28 Days Later. He explodes!! Yay! Big characters dying! Oh. Wait. Not really. The blood starts to move and out of it comes a bloody and naked Bill. Eric says, “Sookie, RUN!”...the end.
So yes, there were really great endings to relationships that had fallen apart or been built. Yes, it was predictable at times and yes, Tara is the suck but this season still showed us that being a vampire is pretty freakin’ cool and being a human is lame. That’s why we love it, right?
It’s been fun reporting to you all! See you later, fang-bangers!
|FIND YOUR GEEK RATING
out of 10