Last week we ended with Tara feeding on her first human, Sookie sucking face with Alcide and The Authority's boy vamp exploding.

This week we start with vomit. Yes, we begin with Sookie and Alcide getting hot and heavy and right before we get to see him take off his pants, Sookie barfs on him. Enter Eric and Bill with silly lines such as, "Oh Alcide, you really know how to treat a woman" ha ha ha. So they all sit down and talk about how to find Russell Edgington. Insert a funny by Sookie where she laughs about if only she made the right decisions maybe her life would be different. I'm sorry, lady but you are a bit of a fairy slut and she who makes her fairy bed must sleep in it. So off they go to find Russell.

What's Jason doing? Oh he's only dreaming of wearing footie pajamas and having breakfast on Christmas with Sookie and his parents years ago. Then his parents start bleeding from bite marks and if that isn't weird enough his mom asks if he wants a blow job.  Jason wakes up to his phone ringing. He's naked. Time to go to work.

Another phone ringing! Who's is it? Well, Sheriff Andy's. Arlene goes to wake him up to answer the phone before it wakes the baby but is shocked to find Andy buck-naked on the couch. Ok, enough of seeing Sheriff Andy's ass. Either he lost a bet on the set or he asked for that in his contract. His butt makes my eyes burn and not in the romantic "smoke gets in your eyes" kind of way.

Jason and Andy meet at the double shifter homicide of Sam's friends. There's somebody out to get shifters they conclude and then move onto Jason's dream and waking up naked. Andy doesn't mention his naked wake ups. I am glad that Jason didn't mention the mommy BJ to Andy though. Good time to keep the mouth shut. On BOTH accounts. Ha ha. Sam now runs off to tell Luna that their friends are dead. They console each other but then she tells Sam to leave. He's out the door when masked rednecks show up and start shooting and yelling. No, Luna! Don't come out of the house! Bang! No, Emma! Run! Turn into a wolf puppy and RUN! Oh good, she did.

Now Tara and Pam are still struggling to get to know each other but here comes Jessica. She tells Tara that being a vamp has its perks and you get to be young forever. Jessica tells Tara that they should be girlfriends. YAY! At least someone wants to be Tara's friend because I certainly do not. So Tara goes for a smoke and runs into Hoyt who propositions her. She says no but in the next scene she's sucking on his neck in the bathroom. Jess is in the next stall with a girl and she hears Hoyt.  Quick vampy chick fight begin!

Meanwhile, Sookie has read Alcide's co-workers mind because somehow he saw who dug up Russell. I missed that connection but either way he kept saying he didn't know things but he really did. In her vision, Sookie sees a necklace on the culprit. It is a female from the Vampire Authority. Well, it's not Nora or that southern lady so it must be...come on you know this one. Me thinks I know did it! So they go to this old asylum to find Russell.

Now for the weird scenes. Terry and Patrick find their old war buddy who claims he saw an Ilfit in flames. He thinks they were cursed by a woman they killed. Terry said he saw it too. So naturally they leave their buddy tied to a chair and the Ilfit, in a shitty CGI Charmed way, smothers their bud as smoky blobby fire blobby. Um, ok. Then Lafayette wakes up to see Jesus's head on a table with his mouth sewn shut. He naturally screams. The next scene is of a woman waking up and seeing Jesus's head on a table too and then she screams for Lafayette so casually like he has a telephone call or something. Those are our "weird scenes", ladies and gents.

So as Tara and Jess are fighting in quick time Sookie and the gang in the asylum are in slow motion as we hear the Guardian drone on about mainstreaming. Oooooooo fancy filming! Finally the gang finds Russell. As they go to kill him we hear a growl, they all turn to look and...blackout. What did we learn here? We may or have may not lost some lead characters, Tara broke the #1 rule of girlfriends, we think we know who dug up Russell, Sookie is a fairy slut and Andy lost a bet and must show his bum all season long. God help us all.

See ya'll next week.