True Blood: “In the Beginning”
There's a phone call for you from Captain Obvious.
July 23, 2012 8:48 amSlade
I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. She dug him up!!
We ended with super gore as Russell killed Roman. So let's begin there.
Blackout. Lots of noise. Night vision. We see Russell show his fangs and shwap! The Authority shoots a metal net over him. Lights up. Where's Eric? There he is!! Hanging from a pillar with a metal bar around his neck. Cut to Salome and her bullshit tears, Nora and her annoying face saying that Lilith forgives Russell and they are joining forces. "Join us", Nora says gesturing to her brother. "Never! You bible banging cunt", says Eric. I guess that's a no. However, the Authority doesn't really take no for an answer. Salome tells them, "It was I who dug him up", I so called that by the way, and says there is a ceremony that they will attend later. Hopefully it will change their minds.
Alcide is in training with the hot lady wolf that has decided to be his second. Kicking, pushing and kissing? Alcide is quite the slut bag. Enter Granny Wolf. She goes on and on about JD being next in line for packmaster while Alcide insists that he is on V. She won't hear of it and takes baby wolf, Emma out of the barn. Unfortunately, Emma gets a "push" from JD later on.
Sookie now is being tested by the fairies to see if her powers are fading. She wakes up and finds out from Claude that eventually she could lose her powers. An idea! If she loses her powers will she be normal? Well, yes! What do you think she does, Captain Obvious?
Tara is still extra irritating to me. She's dancing on the pole and Pam, with her extremely bad crimped hairdo is watching with her usual smirk. Enter Tara's mom wearing her Sunday best and white gloves. In another obvious scenario, Tara's mom says that Tara is no longer her daughter because she is a vamp. Tara shows her fangs and threatens to see her again. Her mom leaves and Tara gets upset and Pam and her have a "maternal" moment. Boring.
Sam and Andy catch and kill one of the Supe hunters and then Sam finds the Obama masks they are using by rolling on the floor and sniffing. Meanwhile, Hoyt was "saved" by the rest of the hate group and decided to join them. Typical.
Okay. Weird scenes then onto the good stuff. Lafayette goes on a search for Jesus' body and gets his lips sewn shut instead. Terry and Patrick are sitting a field waiting for the "Ilfit" to come. It does and in the lamest fashion, it laughs. LAME!!
To the juice. Jason goes to see Jessica and it ends with her biting him and him shooting her in the head. The Authority, now led by Russell, Salome and Nora, decide they should all drink Lilith's blood. There is some conflict but this doesn't seem like a democracy. Eric thinks nothing will happen to them but he is dead wrong. They end up tripping face and walking around busy Bourbon street with their fangs out. When they stumble upon a small party in a bar the obvious thing to do would be to kill all of the humans so they do. Kibwe chooses to literally eat a woman's vagina. I can just hear Michael Ruscio saying, "So can you feed off her vagina in this scene? I know you sound and act like you are a total homosexual but let's have your character eat vag."
Unnecessary. Then we see a drop of blood fall from the sky. The vamps stop and Lilith emerges from a puddle of blood. They all get back to feeding until Eric is visited by someone special to tell him it's wrong what he's doing.
I'm sorry for the low rating, readers, but can we please have some shockers? We all knew Salome either dug up Russell or was on his side. We also knew Nora was bull because they talked about it every episode. Please do not enter any more of the writers brains, Captain Obvious. I'm no Sookie but I could've predicted almost every scene this episode. Blarg!
See you Sunday!
|FIND YOUR GEEK RATING
out of 10