The Broken Lizard group is back! Well, two of them are anyways. It's been eleven years since their mainstream debut with the hilarious Super Troopers, probably half that since their last decent movie and The Babymakers isn't going to break that streak. What could have been a solid comedy with a mostly likeable cast, save for the ever-present blandness of Olivia Munn, ends up as a laugh-less shitfest that goes on for an hour and a half.

Tommy (Paul Schneider) and Audrey (Munn) are the perfect couple who have been married for three years and on that night of their anniversary decide it is time to finally start their family - I am already bored writing about this movie. After a nine month marathon of sex nothing has happened, why can't they become "babymakers"? Hey that's the title of the movie! After the stereotypical scene of him telling his friends and Audrey telling hers (no one really cares about anything going on because this movie was miserable) the gossip starts spreading around town and the couple soon must face what they feared the most, one of them is broken in the genital area. After a trip to the fertility clinic it comes back that Tommy has "confused" sperm, however, he believes this can't be true because a half a decade before he went to a sperm bank and donated twenty samples at $85 a pop to pay for his wives engagement ring - a cum diamond. After finding out about this revelation Audrey is disgusted and hurt because Tommy may have children out in the world, but don't worry this  is only a problem for like three seconds. It could have been a major plot point and given the comedy the heart it wanted, but it is just glossed over in a scene and a half and then everyone is good to go. Tommy, however is still willing to believe that he has good sperm left, possible one of the donations he made at the bank. What do you know, there is one left, but it's already been sold. Can't win em all Tom. Don't you worry though, this where the comedy gets really mediocre, Tommy and his friends come up with a plot to rob the sperm bank and get his sample back because I guess you can just artificially inseminate your wife at home, or maybe you can I honestly have no clue. The plan goes off with obvious disastrous results, but in the end they get the sperm, Munn gets pregnant and they have triplets. Everyone's happy.

Honestly, writing out that plot made me hate this movie even more. Director Jay Chandrasekhar (Super Troopers, Club Dread) isn't a genius behind the camera, but he is only working with what he is given here. Schneider and Munn are miscast as the two leads, neither have any chemistry with the other and if you're going to star in a comedy you should probably be funny or at least witty and they are neither. Schneider was always the weak point on the hit NBC show Parks and Recreations and he just isn't cut out for comedy. That's not to say he doesn't have talent, he does. He's charming in the small role in the Family Stone and Lars and the Real Girl. Olivia Munn on the other hand is a mystery. How does she keep getting work? Yeah, she's good looking but she is a miserable, miserable actress (that's the nicest way I can put it), her attempts at comedy are enough to make one seriously consider ending it all. She is the definition of bland, I have yet to see this charm everyone keeps talking about. Everything she does in this movie is met with groan after groan, she gets pissed when she finds out that her husband has donated sperm and then turns around and doesn't give a shit. She's an unmitigated disaster.

Maybe I am being too hard on Schneider and Munn (I'm not) because the script is completely worthless. It tried to go in the direction of Judd Apatow hits such as the 40 Year Old Virgin and Knocked Up - the man child that needs to grow up- and ended up missing the beat on every page to the point where you don't give a shit what happens to any character at any point in this movie. The jokes are awe-inspiringly bad and mindlessly easy; man breaks into sperm bank, knocks everything over, gets covered in sperm. Simpsons did it...well, not the Simpsons, but Family Guy.  I don't know, have an undercover sperm tasting group going on in there or something, just have a joke where it doesn't seem like a fifth grader wrote it.

It's unconscionable how some movies get the green light. Christ I hated this movie.